I have this thought continually running through my mind but I’m not sure how to express it. I haven’t written an post about my feelings or thoughts for quite sometime so I’m feeling a bit exposed and vulnerable. It’s nothing shocking it’s just an observation I’ve made in the last week and I feel very prompted to write it down here.
I believe between Gabriel’s Birthday quickly approaching and the happenings in my very good friends life right now these thoughts have taken form. These are things I’ve thought about before but not so seriously. I’m really not sure why I’m so focused on them either but I just can’t stop thinking about it. Maybe as I put my thoughts into words I’ll figure out why my thoughts are so persistent.
My friend has been preparing for her 2nd son to return from his 2 year LDS mission this last month. We’ve talked about it a lot, about her fears and excitement. Her 1st daughter has also received her mission call and they have been waiting for the whole family to be together to open it. So my thinking all began on Wednesday after we went to the gym and she mentioned her anxious feelings around her son returning. She was worried about about relationships and how he may have changed. She knew these worries were very illogical but her insecurities kept them in her mind. As I thought about our discussion throughout the day I just kept thinking, if my son was returning from his mission how would I feel? Now obviously I’m thinking about Gabriel and the fact that I believe he is serving our Father in Heaven on a mission right now and has been for 4.5 years. But since he will not be coming home from his mission for a very long time my circumstances are very different.
I thought of the shear excitement I would have if I had a day to look forward to to see my son again. If I knew on 00/00/0000 he would be home and we would be able to talk and discuss all the things we’ve missed and all the things he’s learned. That I’d be able to hug him, kiss him hear his voice and see him interact with his Dad and Siblings. I think the only feelings I’d have would be great joy. Joy beyond anything I can imagine.
Then yesterday we were invited to witness this 2nd son of my friends be released from his mission by a member of our Stake Presidency and also be present when her daughter opened her mission call. When I asked how it went when my friend saw her son again she said it was so wonderful. Of course none of the things she had been worried about happened. As I listened to her and watched her with all 7 of her children home she was so happy her whole being seemed to glow. I have to admit at that moment I felt so happy for my friend and yet a bit envious.
President Hilton released my friends son and as I watched him be released I think I saw a twinge of sadness on his face. I’m sure to be done serving his full time mission is a bit of sad thing. Then the daughter opened her mission call and as she read the spirit was so strong it filled the room and the hearts of everyone present. She was called to serve in Milan, Italy and we all yelled and clapped for her. Such an exciting call and she was so happy to be going on a mission for her Father in Heaven. Most everyone was crying and excited and it was wonderful. Jenna was crying and I thought it was just because her best friend was crying too but when we came home she was still overcome with emotion so I talked to her about it. She told me that the spirit was so strong there that she knew she had felt Gabriel there with us. I told her I was sure she was right and at that moment when I was trying to console her the thought came to my mind. Of course he was there, he wanted us to see the joy he feels by being able to serve our Father in Heaven. He wants us to know how happy he is and how important the work he is doing is. I have known these things for quite a long time but I don’t think I completely realized or understood it until I saw the joy, peace & love in that daughter of Gods face. Even then it didn’t click until Jenna told me that Gabe was there and that she felt him. Then I knew he wanted me to know that, that is the joy, peace and love he gets to experience daily.
I know that my son is a Missionary of Jesus Christ. I know that right now he’s probably called Elder or Brother Saville more than Gabie Baby. I know that he is in the place he is supposed to be. And although my heart aches for the day he will return to me or I will join him I know All is Well. When that day arrives what an amazingly wonderful day that will be. I’m sure I can’t even imagine the joy we will all feel on the day we are reunited.
I struggle frequently with feelings of sadness because my son needed to return home so soon. I need to remember on those days the feelings in that room when I saw so much love and joy. I need to remember how the spirit is speaking to me right now so I will remember that Gabriel is so happy and is a missionary that I’m so proud to call my son.
This experience has brought forth so many tender feelings. I think it has been a tender mercy sent to me from my Father in Heaven, to help me realize and know beyond any doubt that Gabriel is a missionary and all the work he is doing is so important it is worth the time we are apart, however long that must be.