Thursday, May 16, 2013


Mother’s Day brought up some things that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. In relief society they talked about trials and how to help others through their trials. They also asked for us to share trials we’ve had and things that have helped us. I listened to several people share struggles but I didn’t feel like I could share any of my trials. I’ve noticed that when I share our loss of Gabriel and whether I share blessings or struggles it seems to overshadow everyone else’s trials. I never want that to happen because I believe everyone's trials are all difficult just different types of difficult. But it doesn't seem to matter when you tell people your son died they tend to think that they shouldn’t be struggling with their own trials so much and I think that is totally not fair so I’ve stopped sharing as much as I used to. It makes me sad sometimes to not share but it makes me sadder when someone says “Oh my trials are nothing compared to what you’ve been through”. I really hate being that person sometimes.

Next this week my mom planned a family camping trip over Father’s day weekend and I’m very excited for that. But when I start to think about packing for the trip I get a little bit of anxiety. You see we don’t have enough room in the van to haul everything for all 6 of us to camp. In the past we’ve lived close enough to family to pawn some of our stuff off on them in their trucks but now we don’t. I’ve talked about getting a hitch and small trailer for the van but that hasn’t happened yet. So our last resort is to remove one of the captains chairs and put all the extra stuff there. That brings emotions to the surface for me. You see if my Gabriel was still here we wouldn’t have the option to take one of the captains chairs out because that would be his seat. I know he’s been gone for almost 3 years but I still feel like I’m leaving him out if we take his seat out in order to haul all our crap. I just miss him so much and I really wish he was here to enjoy all our family outings.

Last of all last night we got a call from our Property Manager about a leak from our upstairs bathtub into our downstairs bathroom closet. My miracle worker father in law is on vacation so we decided we’d have to call a plumber. Then this morning after venting on Facebook my sweet little brother texted me and told me that he’d be willing to go up and check it out. It was amazing when he called because I felt the strong desire to pray for some guidance and help that this wouldn’t be something that would be really expensive and further stress and then Chet called. I know that we still don’t know how bad it is and what it may cost but just having my brother be willing to take his Friday and come and look at our leaky bathroom. I’m truly blessed with amazing family on both sides and as stressed out as that house tends to make me I’m so thankful for all the help we’ve received.

I keep trying to figure out what our trials are teaching us and how they are blessing us but sometimes it is so difficult to see past the hard days that we can’t see the blessings. I hope I’m able to focus more on the good that comes from these trials than how hard the trial are.


  1. I still think you should share - it helps them to understand you more, and it can also help everyone gain a little perspective. If you could get through that they can get through what they're going through. Sorry about the house too - we will have to rent our house out most likely and it causes a lot of stress. I hope the leak didn't cause too much of a problem!

  2. I definitely think you should continue to share your trials, no matter what.

    Please do not feel bad about using the space in your car for your travels. Your sweet Gabe looks down on all of you every single day, and is a part of your adventures by watching from above.

    I found your blog through the Sullengers blog and felt such a connection to your family & to your Gabe. I can't help but always check in on you all & see how you are doing. You are such a wonderful family & I send prayers your way.