Yesterday was a crappy day for me. I don’t know why I was so depressed but I honestly just didn’t function all day. David started to get worried about me and made me go to Wal-Mart with him, hoping that getting me out of the house would help. Honestly I just wanted to curl up in my “Magic Blanket” & one of Gabriel’s blankets and cry the day away. I did cry a lot but I didn’t allow myself to get any of Gabie’s things out thinking it’d only make the day harder. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, about how I miss him about what he would look like, sound like. What we’d be planning for his upcoming 4th Birthday. Who his favorite superhero would be, if his hair would be blonde still or darker. All those things I don’t’ know about him. Then I would transfer my thinking to the day we lost him, finding him with blue lips and eyelids, doing CPR, hyperventilating in the ER when they were struggling to bring him back, telling his siblings he wasn’t going to make and then planning the funeral. All those terrible heartbreaking memories were flooding my mind all day long. It was impossible to function even in Wal-Mart I struggled to keep it together, praying David wouldn’t take Isaac down the boy’s toy isle like he always does or that when we walked past the baby section I wouldn’t think about how abruptly I stopped buying all those things. To put it simply it was a very hard day. I don’t ever bother anyone with trying to get support on day’s like that because honestly nothing helps, no one can say anything to make the pain go away even David struggled to bring me out of it and he’s usually the only one who can. So although I know there are many out there that love me and want to help and want me to lean on them yesterday was a cry all day long and non functioning day for me.
Today is better, I’ve felt much better a good nights sleep was very helpful then reading in a good book this morning took my mind to other things. We drove Jenna to a Birthday party and I was able to talk to David about yesterday without falling apart. Then David the kids and I played Rockband which was so much fun and then to top off the day, we got a comment on the Books from Gabriel blog saying they would be dropping books off at Think Ink in American Fork because they saw our interview on KSL. I was so excited I just about jumped out of my seat. We did the Live interview on the Noon show on Wednesday the 9th but had been waiting for them to post it on their website. We were worried that if they didn’t get it posted people wouldn’t be able to ready about it soon enough to donate books. Today is cutting it close but we’ve already seen several who have commented or promised to bring books to a drop off location or ask about donating through the year. We couldn’t be happier and we’re so thankful to Jenn Hardman for putting us in touch with Kristine Pratt KSL Noon Producer who put us on the air with Lori Prichard. The interview was scary and a little emotional but great none the less. We love that we’ve been able to share our story with so many people now and possibly be able to help that many more children who will be spending time in hospital’s this year.