Friday, November 9, 2012

November 7,8 &9 2012

So obviously I got behind on my thankful thoughts and now as my children are fighting may not be the best opportunity to list the last 3 days of what I’m thankful for, or maybe it’s the perfect time.

On Wednesday I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking about that I was particularly thankful for and Thursday is the same. That’s probably why I didn’t post those days but today I have a few things that I’ve come to be thankful for through the week so I’m going to share those things.

I’ve been reading Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson and I know I’ve already posted about her book once but as I was finishing it the other day she said something that hit me. What she said is something I totally understand and although it made me cry to realize that she understands the same feeling it also comforted me to know that it’s one more thing I’m not alone in (which I always know but sometimes a reaffirmation is good).

She was talking about after she and her family were all living under one roof again in Provo and as her and her Mr. Neilson were going to bed they had their windows open and heard sirens outside somewhere. She talked about how hearing the sirens made her cuddle her sweetheart and they realized they were both thinking the same thing, remember when the sirens were for us. I think they probably feel that unsettling feeling and anxiety when they hear sirens.

A couple weeks ago as I was taking Katie to Piano lessons we saw emergency vehicles coming down redwood towards us. I pulled off the road as I always have and then got back on just in time to pull off again. Within a mile of where we first pulled off we had pulled off several more times and I was starting to get an anxiety attack. I started crying and called David. Since I rode in the ambulance with my baby to the hospital I have been very bothered by sirens. I always know that they mean someone in some kind of trouble and they push as all my emotional buttons. So on that Monday when I was passed by 10+ emergency vehicles with all their sirens, I fell apart.

As I read what Nienie wrote I totally started sobbing and what thankful once again that someone else knows how I feel about sirens. It stinks at times to seek so many people who know how you feel because that means they’ve been through their own tragic experiences but there is also so much comfort in it, to always know you’re never alone.

Yesterday I went to a fireside where Hillary Weeks was the guest speaker. Her talk was wonderful and made me think about how many good thoughts I have in a day compared to negative thoughts. Katie and I both want clickers now so we can click when we have positive thoughts and see how it benefits our home. It was funny because after her talk and we went home the first negative thought that popped into my mind I totally recognized as a negative thought when before her talk I never would’ve even noticed it. I also noticed that as Hillary sang I Know my Redeemer lives, Katie was watching me constantly to check to see if I was crying. I fought back every emotion and tear to try to not let her catch me crying. It made me very aware that my kids are always watching for mom to break down and cry so they can comfort me. I hate it and I’m thankful for it at the same time. It was a miracle I made it through the song without 1 tear falling down my cheek since she sang it so beautifully and I’ll I could think about was how we sang it at Gabriel’s funeral and I couldn’t sing because I was sobbing.

Today it snowed our first snow of this winter. It was beautiful and cold and after work I came home and curled up in a blanket next to David and took a nap. What a wonderful way so spend my afternoon. When the kids got home they went straight outside to play in the snow and build snowmen. They had fun and came in with rosy cheeks and excited for the season change. I’m thankful for the opportunities I have to see my kids playing so well together and not fighting.:)


No comments:

Post a Comment