Thursday, May 10, 2012

Behind again..

So I’ve been struggling to get the energy to blog. I don’t know why but to just sit and write about things hasn’t seemed very alluring to me. I’ve been pretty busy exercising and keeping up with the house and the kids so my blog has taken a back burner. But I do have some things that I need to record here.

I said Goliath wasn’t feeling well in my last post and it has now been just over two weeks and he’s still struggling. We’re hoping he’s coming out of it but we are really just not sure. We are going to take him to the Vet on Friday and maybe they’ll give us some ideas. We’re hoping it’s not arthritis, that is what Jezebel had and she was miserable and we couldn’t afford the meds for her so we had to put her down to keep her from suffering. We’re just hoping that’s not the case with Goliath.

I’d like to share an experience I had last Friday with you all. First a little background information. About a month or two after Gabriel passed away I received a phone call from a complete stranger who wanted to offer us her condolence's and had a few questions for me, if I felt comfortable answering them. She was from Utah and heard about us from a man in her ward who was David’s roommate on Post in Dugway. This sweet ladies name is Chrissy. Chrissy was very sympathetic and told me she was impressed with our decision to let Gabriel be an Organ Donor. She explained that at the time she was only a few months out from her 2 year old son receiving a heart donation. She was extremely touched and grateful beyond words for this blessing in their family. We talked a little about my feelings from the other side of the situation, she had not be able to have any contact with her donor family so she had some concerns and worries. I tried to put her mind at ease and help her understand that I hold no anger for our donor recipient and his family.

We only spoke that once and then kept in touch via Facebook and blogs, until we moved to Saratoga Springs I didn’t realize how close they were to us. They really just live across the valley. We got in tough again and started trying to meet sometime. It was a difficult thing to make happen because poor little Matthew isn’t doing as well as they’d like him to be doing. I don’t know all the jargon but he is in Heart Failure again and on the transplant list for the second time. So last Friday I made up my mind that if it was convenient for Chrissy and Matthew I would go visit them at PCMC. Matthew has been admitted about 24 days ago and cannot go home until he has a new heart. They are praying he can stay strong while they wait for the perfect heart for Matthew. If his other organs start shutting down then he will have to be removed from the transplant list and they will be facing their worst fears. I pray daily for several things pertaining to Matthew. I ask my Father in Heaven to help Matthew and his family to stay strong and be comforted and have the help they need, I pray that Matthew will receive the heart he so desperately needs and in conjunction with that I pray for the family like our family(donors) that they will feel the great pride that comes with being blessed enough to be a parent of a child so special that they are able to save another child’s life. I pray that the donor family will be blessed and comforted and will be able to see the great blessing’s that come from their loss.

After spending the day with Chrissy & Matthew at the Hospital I left with the greatest feeling of compassion and sympathy for the Sperry family. Matthew is a remarkable little 4 year old see how happy he is and how much energy he has, even though he is very sick was something I never expected but learned greatly from. Chrissy is an amazing mom, she is facing so many trials right now and being pulled in so many directions and yet when I visited with her she doesn’t complain she expressed her gratitude for the staff at the hospital and for her ward family and her parents and in-laws. She was so thankful for all the support they have been given and I never once saw any remorse for having to live this very difficult trial. What an inspiring example she is to me.

I know things have looked better for them and I pray daily that Chrissy will not join the club of bereaved moms that I’m in. Please remember them in your prayers they can use all the prayers and fasting they can get.

This picture was taken just before I left that day. Matthew is such a handsome, happy little guy I pray he’s able to stay that way. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to spend my day in such happy, loving environment. With such awe inspiring individuals. Thank You Chrissy

Chrissy update’s their blog when she can, if you’re interested in more details go here.

Sperry's (3)My next stop last Saturday was just as emotional for me as the first. I actually did great at the hospital, the environment is so happy there is no room for tears just hope. My next stop was at the Salk Lake City Cemetery. David and I used to walk through it all the time when we lived in the Avenues and were dating but I didn’t remember how huge it was. I got lost looking for the office to find a directory, thankful one of the gardeners gave me instructions to the office. I then found where Lucia Isabella Jackson was laid to rest. Funny thing is when I was lost I drove right passed her several times.

My whole intention was to leave flowers on her headstone because she’s the only angel baby that I know of who I feel a connection to and who I knew her family would be ok with me visiting their little angel. I’d been really missing my Gabie and if I would’ve been in Idaho I would’ve been with him but for this day I knew I was supposed to visit Lucy instead. I found her beautiful resting place and felt the spirit there surrounding me so much I knelt and cried. I spoke to Lucy as if meeting her for the first time and expressing my gratitude for her family in my life. Her parents, brother and baby sister on the way hold a very special place in my heart. They’re foundation helped up provide the headstone we wanted for our Gabriel. Molly’s honesty and inspirational posts on her blog help me get through so many hard days. Their family is such a great example to me. I told Lucy all of this and then asked her to please tell my sweet Gabriel that his momma misses him so greatly and can’t wait until we are together again.

Lucy (2)

To finish up last weekend Mathew (my brother) and his wife Alice and little Bryan came and stayed with us. They came first thing Saturday and we had breakfast and lunch and just visited. Then David and I left to take our kids to see The Avenger’s Movie and Matt and Alice went to Cabela’s and exploring around our area.

The Avenger’s was really great and all the kids loved it. Isaac dressed up like Iron Man but his favorite character was The Hulk. We had a really fun time there.

Isaac @ Avengers

After the movie we ran to The Home Depot and then met Matt and Alice back at our house. Then we decided to to to Winger’s for dinner. We had a nice dinner with all of us laughing at how cute Bryan was. I think his dad just wanted to get done and get the little screamer out of the public. That little guy sure can scream high pitched. I wish I had taken a few pictures of him but I totally forgot and just enjoyed their company. The spent the night and then left around 10am on Sunday to go to The Hogle Zoo and maybe Build A Bear. It was really nice to have them visit.

This week has been pretty uneventful. I’m back to my walking and I found my Polar Heart Rate Monitor so today we took that with us to help us keep up our pace. We noticed everything we walk down the slope at the park my Heart Rate Drops below the target low so we started jogging down that slope every time we came around. It felt good and miserable at the same time. On Wednesday we actually walked 5 miles, it wasn’t our intention but that’s how it worked all the same. I’m still trying to eat much healthier and watching my calories very carefully. It hasn’t been difficult at all no Dr. Pepper since April 9th and I haven’t even wanted one. Cutting back on treats hasn’t been too hard either. If I continue losing weight and eating this way I think we’ll have a great way of eating and living to use from now on. David and the kids haven’t had to change the things they like either to accommodate me. I’m lost 10.5 pounds and it fluctuates quit a bit so it may go up and down so I only check once a week. But on average it looks like I’ve been losing around 3 lbs a week. I’m excited and I hope I do great through the summer. By next fall I could be a whole new woman. Open-mouthed smile

Just a small note the sprinkler system is working great and we found out we’re in need of a new lawn mower since ours will cost too much to fix so that’s that. Also David is going to EMC World May 20-24th in Las Vegas, he’ll see Maroon 5 in concert at that conference, then he’s going to Tech Ed June 10-15th in Orlando Florida. There he’ll get a free trip to Universal Studios.  We plan to go to Idaho during Memorial Weekend to visit Gabriel and then when David is gone to Florida we’re going to spend the week in Idaho. The kids all want to spend some time with their friends and cousins.

I think that will catch me up for quite awhile.


  1. Good for you on working out! I've been at it as well, I quit running after we lost Pres, and found it makes a huge difference in everything.

    I'm sure you were an amazing blessing that day that you went to PCMC. That's amazing. I hope you are enjoying UT, I love all your Instagram pics.

  2. You have been busy!!! What a sweet heart you are to visit the hospital and the cemetery. Its important to know your children arent forgotten!! Keeping your sweet family in my prayers!!