Snapshots, Sadness & Gratitude

 

Firstly I want to tell my friends and family in Pocatello how much I miss them. When David and I drove into Pocatello last weekend I was surprised at the tears that fell down my cheeks for all the sweet memories we made there in Pocatello. I truly felt very homesick and missed the familiarity of it all. I know one day I’ll feel that way about Saratoga Springs but it’s going to take some time.

So since we got our new camera I really haven’t had anything super awesome to take photos of except my sweet kids and husband. One night I just took some random pictures, nothing spectacular but I do love capturing my family on camera. The following pictures are just some regular evening happenings and some silly faces. I adore my family!!

 

Speaking of family last week I was reminded once again how fragile our lives really are. My oldest cousin on the Easter side of the family past away last week. Brad had been fighting cancer for quite some time and his body just couldn’t do it anymore. Honestly I didn’t know Brad as well as I would’ve liked to. Brad was only 5 years younger than my mom and they were raised more like best friends or sibling that Aunt and Nephew. When I came along Brad didn’t live to close by and was busy living his young adulthood so I never had the chance to get to know him or his wonderful family.

Brad’s service was put together and done very nicely. It was so heartbreaking to me to watch my Sweet Aunt Kathy say goodbye to yet another of her sons, my cousins lose another brother and to watch my poor mom lose a best friend from childhood. But I’d have to say that my heart ached most of all for Debbie (Brad’s Wife) and Ben, Mason & Colby (Brad’s young sons). I truly cannot imagine the grief that will come with losing a spouse and still having to raise your children, or losing a father at such a young age. I pray daily that they will be comforted and have the help they need to get through this trial. I know that Brad will be with them often helping the best that he can from the other side, his family was his life and in death I’m sure they will still be his priority. I’m proud to say that Brad is my cousin and one day I hope to know him much better.

On Sunday when we were headed home from Idaho we stopped in Lava to visit Gabie. I think after the emotional day on Saturday my heart was more tender. I cried over my son’s resting place more than I’ve cried in quite some time. I missed him desperately and hated that I had to leave him there again. Sometimes I handle it really well but after stopping on Sunday I had a difficult time pulling my spirits up again. David even asked me if maybe we shouldn’t have stopped. I will always stop to visit my boy even if I do leave feeling very sad. I know he’s not there but I feel it is my responsibility to watch over him and his resting place for his sweet body whenever I can. In 4 short months it’ll be two years since our boy went home to his father in heaven and the time has gone by so quickly. But some days my heart still aches like it was just a few months since he was here.

Yesterday I took Isaac to the park for a playgroup in our new ward. It struck me after visiting for only a few moments that I felt almost without purpose. Isaac is getting so big and had a friend to play with so I just kept and eye on him but I felt very sad not to be chasing a busy 3 year old around the park. It’s crazy how when your kids are young you can’t wait for them to become more independent, but when my son was gone before I was ready to give him that independence I hate not having him to chase and take care of. I miss my Gabie so much and can’t wait for the day when I will be able to care for him again.

On a totally different note I just wanted to share how much I love seeing this flag everyday. When I look out all the windows on the east side of my house I see this flag blowing in the wind. I Love seeing it fly there. I don’t believe I’ve ever loved watching our flag fly so much before. I’m truly thankful for my freedom and all that this flag represents. I’m thankful for all those men and their families who have given so much for our freedom. I have several men, women and families in my own family that I am truly grateful for, for this specific reason.