Happy Valentine’s Day to all!!
We’re not doing anything too special today. David bought me a Phalaenopsis(Orchid) last week as and early Valentine’s gift. I love roses but I thought a plant that lasted would be nice for my table.
I picked up some large Kisses for my sweet girls and a heart shaped box full of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups for my Isaac.
Katie took her awesome box from last year to school and Madison made a Valentine’s Tree box this year. Jenna and Isaac didn’t need boxes but their Valentine cards came with little mail boxes so they took those to school. The girls wanted pretty Valentine’s shirts to wear to school too, so last night we picked up 3 pink and hearts shirts for them.
I was struggling a little this morning missing Gabie but I’m feeling better now I think I was emotional from the lack of sleep. I hate it when I go to bed and then I hear a noise in the house and my mind races with the worst things that could ever happen to my family and I can’t go to sleep because I’m scared. I feel like a little girl again who is scared of the dark and is too scared to go tell my mom. I had to get up and check on the kids 2 or 3 times before I could finally close my eyes enough to slightly relax and go to sleep. I think it’s harder when you’ve lost a child, my mind races and thinks of all these horrible things that could happen. Those things always seem more real to me now. I never believed I’d be that person, the one whose baby died and yet here I am. So when my mind goes crazy with nightmares, only I’m not sleeping it’s much more difficult to calm myself down and relax. I did finally get to sleep about 2AM but it wasn’t very restful I kept waking myself up throughout the night. I hope I’m not the only mom who does this and feels like she’s going crazy at times. I also think living in a new area that I’m not always totally comfortable in adds to my nightmarish imagination and the fact that we have almost no neighbors just strangers (construction workers) wandering up and down our street every day.
Tonight will be better I know it will. I plan on making Filet Mignon for David and some Chocolate Covered Strawberries. We’ll have a nice quiet dinner without the kids. I’m going to make the kids dinner earlier and then send them to my room to watch a movie while David and I eat in peace and quiet. I also get to help in Katie’s class today for her Valentine’s Party, I’ll enjoy that!
I hope my sweetheart and my sweet children know how much I love them and how thankful I am to have all of them my Valentine’s all year long!