Gabriel

  Gabie, I’ve been putting off your birthday letter because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through it without sobbing and I’ve been doing so well lately. Don’t get me wrong I’ve been missing you so much but I’ve been able to miss you and remember you without falling apart.

On your birthday this year as we drove to Portneuf Medical, I remembered 3 years earlier when you were born. It was a beautiful winter day. There was snow on the ground but, there was a beautiful blue sky. It was a Monday, and the day after your due date. Dr. Cox had promised to start me if you didn’t come on your own over the weekend.

We were very excited to welcome you our 5th child and 2nd son into our family. Little did we know how short of a time we’d get to have you in our lives. I’d never ask to have known then that you’d be leaving us so soon because I don’t think I would’ve been able to have a normal relationship with you otherwise.          

You weighed 8lbs 2oz when you were born. Not my biggest baby but not my smallest either. You were perfect right from the start. You had dark semi-curly hair that soon faded to a dark blonde. Your sisters and brother were absolutely taken with you and adored you from the first time they saw you.          

Your dad blessed you just 2 weeks after you were born. Grandma and Grandpa Saville were leaving on their mission and wanted to be there when you were blessed.

The name that was given to you was Gabriel Grant Saville. You were blessed with health and strength to meet challenges you would meet and overcome. You were blessed to be full of strength during challenges of life and not be afraid. You were blessed to look to the Lord for this strength, and that you would know it was a choice blessing. You were blessed to serve a mission and they you would love the Lord will all your heart, might, mind and strength. You were blessed to find a choice companion in the Lord and that you would never stray from the gospel.
Your were blessed with other things that I’ve not seen come to pass but as for the blessings above I believe you have and your currently are fulfilling them. I am so proud of you and the example you have set for me, dad and your siblings.

I watched you grow and learn just as your sisters and brother had and you did have trials. When you were only 7 months old you got a boil on your cheek that turned into staff infection. The doctor was worried it might go into your eye so we spent a week in the hospital getting you better. You were so good and always happy. Even though I know you were in pain you always had a smile and a love for me, and you grinned at all the nurses. Several of them still remember having you under their care. You made a great impression on their memories.

You turned one and started out 2010 just like any other year. You were walking and jabbering all the time. You were always happy and content. You followed me all over the house and were always grabbing my finger to pull me to something you wanted. You made messes just like most toddlers and you loved to listen to music and dance in circles. You loved to sit and look at books and watch Cars. We had no idea how short our time would be with you. When you left us our hearts were broken and still are most days. We didn’t know what to do with such a great loss.

I feel that over the past 19 months we’ve figured out better how to live without you and we’ve learned how to deal with our heartache. We still miss you so much and when I think about the things you’d be doing here in our home as a busy 3 year old, I long for those messes, learning to talk, potty training and all those things that come with a 3 year old. I miss seeing Isaac having someone to play with. There are so many things that I’ll miss throughout my life time, but I’ll continue to strive to live righteously enough to have the opportunity to raise you during the Millennium. I’m so proud to me your mother and to have you teach me so much.

This year the book drive we did in honor of you on your birthday turned out fantastic. We had so much support and so many people wanted to help for our cause. We were interviewed by KPVI News 6, and on Thursday night when the News came on you were the first face to pop up on the screen. I immediately got teary eyed and emotional. I’m so proud to share you with the world and share what losing you has inspired us to do. I’m amazed at myself for being able to put together such a wonderful project. There are so many people that I wouldn’t be able to do it without. But most of all when I saw your face on the local news I knew you would not be forgotten. I know I’ll never forget you but to know that there are complete strangers out there who now know you and know what you have inspired us to do in your memory makes me the proudest mom ever.

My sweet Gabie Baby I love you and I miss you so much but I know you’re doing a great work where you are. I know you check on us from time to time and know you want us to be happy and to not hurt. I want you to know that I am doing my very best to be a good mom to your siblings and a good wife to your daddy. I’m trying my very hardest to follow your example and to be happy all the time even when I’m struggling. I’m trying to build my testimony daily and trying to be more spiritually uplifted. I’m always striving to be more grateful for my very many blessings. I hope I am making you proud to be my son, and I hope I always do.

I Love You my sweet Son, Happy 3rd Birthday!