Tonight I got dressed and went to my Relief Society meeting. The lesson was absolutely wonderful and very enlightening. It was on The Plan of Salvation. Specifically the ins and outs of where all of us go and what kinds of lives get us there. We were given an outline and then we discussed each progression and how it would effect us or our loved ones.
The chart really is more detailed than I have ever seen before and although I understand the basics of the plan this really helped me to understand it more in depth. A book called Doctrines of Salvation by Joseph Fielding Smith was recommended for even more in depth talk about the plan.
Throughout the entire meeting I was intently listening to every comment and question and I did come up with a question of my own, but being as new as I am to this ward and feeling very emotional I struggled to bring myself to ask my question. Within minutes another woman in the room asked specifically my question. I was sure to thank her and tell her I was feeling too emotional to ask. The question was about when and how will I be able to raise Gabriel. I knew in my heart and had been taught that if I live righteously I will have that opportunity but I’ve never really learned any specifics about it. They explained that during the 1000 year Millennium I will have the opportunity to raise Gabriel if I make it to spirit paradise when I die. I feel confident that although I have many tasks and trials ahead of me, I will be able to make that goal, if I keep building my testimony day by day and learning to be a more Christ like person daily. The answer to this question gave me great comfort and I felt the Holy Ghost burning in my heart and I know that this plan is just and true. I believe in it whole heartedly. There are a few aspects that sadden me when I see what outcomes could come for loved ones who just aren’t there yet. But again I have faith that they will make it there in their own due time.
But hey I’m getting off track, if you notice the title of my blog is “apparently I’m in my awkward stage”. After this great meeting and I was also given books for the book drive and a refreshment. I went to my car sat down, put my seat belt on and immediately started to sob. I knew exactly why too, I was missing my friends. Here, I have just heard some wonderful testament of my father in heavens plan and I sat alone the whole time, I ate my refreshment alone except for one lady asking me if I was new or not. I had no one to chat with and nothing chat about. I recognized several of these sisters and I know them to be kind and friendly and don’t get me wrong no one purposely left me out. But as I thought about the meeting faces started going through my head that would’ve made my evening just perfect. Faces like, Angela Ferrara, Jen Jeppsen, Serena Marley, Cherene Bates, Emilee Eborn, Lindsey Vincent, Jen Scow, Megan Eddie and several more. Then the sobs came even harder when it hit me how much I miss my Holman Ward sisters. I know I’m welcome here, I know I’ll make life long friends, I know I’ll find my niche and fit in one day, but for right now I’m feeling just a little homesick for the familiar faces of the sisters I know already, and the sisters who know me so well that I would’ve been totally comfortable asking my question, out loud and crying while I did it, because they know me and my situation. No explaining would be necessary and everyone would understand why that question meant so much to me.
So when I got home and walked in the door my husband cheerfully asked how my evening was and then I started sobbing some more. I think he was a bit surprised it didn’t have to do completely with Gabriel, because that is usually what brings on sobbing. When I told him he giggled at me and hugged me. He told me he understood why I would be struggling with this and that it’ll be ok in time,(he also told me to give his bum a squeeze and I’d feel better, LOL).
Very seriously I told him I feel like a 8th grader going into high school for the first time and knowing no one, feeling like a stranger in my own life. So he very kindly said “are you in your awkward stage honey?” I guess I am. Until I put myself out there more and have more opportunities to get to know these wonderful ladies I’ll be in my “awkward stage”. The sooner I can get out of it the better, I don’t like feeling like the outsider or a stranger.
So to finish up I just want to say to all my sisters from the Holman ward, you better come to the book drive cleaning & labeling event! Because I’m missing you all so very much and it’ll do my heart some good to look at all your beautiful faces and give you hugs and tell you how much I love and miss you.