Mixed Emotions

So as things start to get closer and closer to our “moving day” my emotions are getting crazier and crazier. Yesterday I took Madison to Violin lessons and Katie went to Activity days and as I was driving them around the neighborhood moving them between music and Activity Day I got really sad and emotional. I was thinking about all the friends we have here and the wonderful people in our lives. People who we love and are so attached to (me more than David). Then to top it off our friend and music teacher gave my girls a moving gift and a beautiful note. The tears wouldn’t stop!

Everyone keeps asking me are you so excited to be moving so soon. Truly I don’t know what to say. I’ve always been very honest about what I’m feeling and days like yesterday I’m not excited, I’m terrified. I worry about my kids making great new friends like they have here, I worry about finding our niche in a new ward. I worry about people not knowing Gabriel. I worry about feeling alone and cooped up in a house and neighborhood I’m unfamiliar with. I couldn't be more excited to watch my sweetheart walk in the door every night after work and be able to spend every evening with him again. That is what I’m totally excited for, I’ve missed him so much in the last 2 years. But there is still so much other change’s that I’m scared for. Right now every other Thursday is my shop with mom day and I’ll miss that horribly, I’m such a momma’s girl. We go to Richard and Melinda’s so often to eat, play games, watch a movie or just visit and I’ll miss that so much. Melinda and Sarah have been there for me in some of my darkest hours and I’ll miss them so much.

Last week it was tears because getting the house we love and want was up and down and so close to not happening. This week the tears are because it looks as though things with the house will be fine and if I found out today that they weren’t I’d be horribly saddened but since they are ok it gives me time to think about what I’m leaving behind and that makes me very sad indeed. Some days the excitement out weighs the sadness and other days it flips, maybe all this is because I changed anti-depressants and maybe the new one is just letting more emotion out than the old one did. But I’m glad because I feel more down to earth and human when I really feel emotion and don’t just watch it pass me by.

My kids are sad to leave their friends but truly they are doing better than I am with the change of leaving. They are counting down the days. I always thought I handled change really well but I’m beginning to think that maybe I don’t handle it as well as I though I did.

On an up note my mom and dad went down last weekend and saw the house and drove around the area and they approve. I know that sounds funny coming from a 32 year old but it really means a lot to me for my and David’s parents to approve of where we are moving to. If they didn’t it wouldn’t change anything but It make me happy that they like where we will be. My mom took some pictures of the house with grass since David and I hadn’t seen it yet.

I am excited to call this home and have my family all in one place and have a regular day to day way of living. I’ll make it maybe with a lot of tears but I’ll make it and I know I’ll love being there once we get there. I’m so thankful for all the ways to communicate in this day and age. I’m so glad I won’t loose touch with my amazing family and friends who will be here looking forward to our visits.  I just hope they all know how much they mean to us and how lucky we feel to have been part of their lives.