9 Months….

Well the 12th of this month marked 9 months since Gabriel went to heaven. I’m doing much better day to day and have less hard nights when I cry myself to sleep. It’s gotten down to almost only once a month. I still think of him daily and wonder what things he’d be doing and saying. I miss him in my arms, and tucking him into bed with his music and puppy. I miss his crooked smile and his laugh, so much. I can’t believe how fast time flies and I’m really not looking forward to that one year mark that is quickly coming up. We’ve figured out how to live without him and I no longer look for him around the house and go to get him out of his car seat and all those little things. But when I watch the kids play outside I still sometimes look for 5 instead of 4 kids running up and down the side walk. I really miss all those things that could’ve been.

Last week my mom and I went in search of some flowers that were bright and springy and not too girly to decorate his headstone. I’m very adamant about having something there all the time. I never want anyone to think he was not loved enough for someone to place things of beauty where his little body rests. I guess it’s part of my grieving heart to make sure his grave is marked so all that pass it will know that he’s checked on often. I’m sometimes worried about when I move if I will be able to keep it up but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my mom and family will continue to help me make sure his spot is always beautifully taken care of. When my mom spent an hour teaching me some tricks to arranging flowers, and then took them up to place them for me and sent me pictures I knew then as I have before that it’ll be ok when we move.

Here is our work…