All I Can Say Is Thank You!

I received this message from one of Gabe’s nurses in the PICU and it was so touching I wanted to share it with all of you.

I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Gabe while he was hospitalized. i responded to the emergency room when he was initially brought in, worked a lot of hours in the PICU, and even watched the surgery as his heart was taken to give another precious baby a chance to live. He became my surrogate baby; i started his journey with him, and I couldn't bare to send him to the operating room alone. I remember, while in the PICU, looking at his little peaceful face, searching his hands and feet for places to start an IV or to draw blood, and seeing the pen marks on his legs. He reminded me so much of my babies at home and my heart ached for your family.
One night during his hospitalization, it hit me what a perfect little spirit he was. He had gotten his body and was headed back to his father in heaven to accomplish an even greater work. What an honor it was to be able to take care of him, and what an honor it must be for you to have been chosen to be his mother.
Your family was so inspiring and such an amazing example of faith during that time. One day in relief society, i found myself talking about your family. The lesson that Sunday was on teaching your children and you were who i immediately thought of. When you could have crumpled under the stress and pain of the situation, you didn't. You used that time at Gabe’s bedside to teach your daughter about the plan of salvation and the importance of a temple marriage. You bore a sweet testimony through your actions as well as your words.
There was a nurse that also spent time with Gabe in the PICU. She has a lot of questions about spiritual matters and what the truth is. You and your family were great examples to her and caused her to contemplate things differently than she had before.
I know you must be struggling. I don't think you can lose a baby and not. I just want you to know what an inspiration you were and continue to be. Thanks for being a great example.

My Reply…

I am so glad you wrote to me. I love hearing from all of you awesome nurses at the hospital. You all did so much for our family in our time of need and we can never thank you enough.
When I read that you went into surgery with my Gabie I sobbed and wanted to tell you thank you from the bottom of my heart. That was something I couldn't do and I was so scared to be there when they took him off life support I just couldn't handle it. I'm so grateful to you for not letting him be alone in that. I hope you never ever have to understand the gratitude I have for you in your act of kindness to my baby.
Thank you for telling me about the nurse who was maybe helped by our example. It's wonderful to hear that our struggles have some good come from them. I hope she continues to ask questions and look for the truthful answers. I know that my testimony has grown so much stronger through the last few months and I have a whole new outlook on something’s. I’m striving to be a better mother and spend more quality time with my kids teaching them the things that will help them in their own lives. As hard as it was to say goodbye to Gabe it was also a good teaching experience for my children although I've come to learn that they are so strong and have taught me so much through this, they are truly closer to the veil than I am.
I want you to know that our family is doing well. We are handling life one day at a time. Some days are unbearable and I don't even get dressed but most days are beginning to get a little easier. I miss him horribly and crave to hold him and kiss his adorable chubby cheeks but I know he is ok. I am also so grateful that I was able to be his mother that is truly a great honor to me. And as much as I'd give anything to have him back I'm truly thankful for this growing and strengthened testimony trial.
Thank you again so very very much for all you did for our family. I do remember you and all the other nurses and how wonderfully simple not stressful you made our stay in the hospital. I believe you were there when we held him and said our goodbye’s thank you for that too. I know it wasn't easy to move him around. We treasure those moments.

And Her Reply…

I am so glad I decided to share with you that i went into Gabe’s surgery with him. I had gone back and forth on whether or not to mention it, so i am especially happy to hear your reaction. As a pediatric nurse and as a mother, you bond quickly and deeply with patients like Gabe and i couldn't send him off alone. If it was my baby, i would have wanted someone to do it for me.
I was there the day you said goodbye to Gabe. The spirit was so strong in that room that day. Before coming to Portneuf, I worked in pediatric oncology with children fighting cancer. I watched many of favorite patients lose their battle. i stood with their parents as their babies took their final breath. For many of those parents, it was almost a relief. Their children fought so bravely for so long and their little bodies were so tired, they were ready to go. In addition to that, I never took care of one cancer kiddo who was LDS. It was such a different experience with Gabe. It was so sudden and with no known cause. it was heart wrenching. There was, however, such an amazing spirit of peace in the room. Gabe’s body was there, but you could feel his spirit had left his body. While it was such a sad situation, through the knowledge of the gospel, we know he is ok. There are some patients you take care of that you will never forget. i will never forget Gabe. Tell your family hello for me and i look forward to keeping in touch.